Illuminating the Darkness of My Vision: My Faith Transformed My Exploration of my creation
Locating the Illuminating Brightness in the Darkness of My Vision Light: How My Faith Transforms My Exploration of the Worlds I Create
As a man of hopeful faith in the saving works of Jesus Christ, I often encounter a curious but understandable reaction when people learn about my writing. My stories, whether my mini-series, books, or short stories, including my recent book "Around the World, Heaven to Hell," scrape the bottom of grim barrels, revealing intense violence, raw emotions, and the often brutal realities of existence. It's all but opposing the gentle imagery that those of a more sheltered mind might associate with a devout Christian. So, how do these two seemingly contrasting aspects of my life coexist?
My journey to faith began with events of physiological and psychological pain that existed from my first memory, and later the personal brokenness of my heart and soul. After engendering a series of devastating events, whether by who I chose to spend time with or simply my actions, I found myself at a point where life felt unbearable. Guilt had overtaken my thoughts, and an unwavering sense of not desiring for those whom I hurt to forgive me, because I felt I would then have to forgive those who hurt me, took over the core of who I was. It was in that self-centered darkness that a passage of scripture became a lifeline, pulling me toward salvation and a new understanding of hope. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, a passage on godly comfort and how, through the comfort we experience from God through Christ, we can comfort others. This transformation fundamentally altered the trajectory of my life.
It may be self-evident that my passion for storytelling predates the moment God saved me through Jesus Christ and the process of my sanctification, and it continued to grow substantially afterward. Initially, I grappled with the idea that my grimdark, unflinching style of writing might be at odds with my newfound faith. For a time, I ceased my creative expression as I feared the judgment of others, a superficial concern I now recognize as distinct from any true godly judgment. The realization that artistic expression isn't inherently sinful was incredibly liberating. However, there can be artistic expression that certainly is sinful, such as using the Lord's name in vain (which I previous did incessantly, and having since edited out of my works, or the direct description of pornographic interactions, such as erotica, having since ceased writing.)
"Around the World, Heaven to Hell" doesn't shy away from the grimdark, grotesque brutality of my artistic expression. The protagonist, Nuda, experiences a world filled with violence and injustice, a world that I see today, though I add the science fiction and fantasy elements. His reactions, both emotional and physical, are often visceral and violent. There may be readers who find this unsettling, perhaps even contradictory to the values of peace and love I hold dear as a Christian. However, I believe that confronting the harsh realities of a broken world is not an act of embracing darkness, but rather of acknowledging the very things my faith calls me to address – suffering, injustice, and the human capacity for undeniable evil.
My intention in portraying these harsh realities isn't to revel in them, but to strip away the comfortable layers of protection that privilege often provides. For those so blessed enough to live in a land where the power of the government prevents all-out slaughter from foreign nations and has in place a system of justice, though flawed as humans run it, it does provide justice, when it can, on behalf of those who evil men and women victimize. I want to offer a glimpse into the experiences of those who face unimaginable hardships, hoping to foster a deeper sense of empathy and a recognition that a large portion of the complaints we voice in our sheltered lives pale in comparison to the struggles others endure. Our neighbors may be assaulting their children to the point of manifesting an artificial psychosis upon the youth. A country not far from ours may be experiencing a government that allows the beheading of those who criminal gangs deem unfit to live. Countries across oceans commit genocide through rape and the decimation of whole families. I don't want to downplay our suffering, but if we focus on serving those in need, our suffering tends to lighten, and our hearts fill with something more than our injustices.
While "Around the World, Heaven to Hell" doesn't explicitly preach Christian doctrine, the protagonist's journey, Nuda, resonates with themes of redemption and the search for meaning amidst suffering. His evolution from a state of ignorance to one of purpose, even through violent circumstances, mirrors the spiritual awakening I experienced. I've desired unimaginable harm on others, I've seen and heard firsthand the horrendous actions of a destitute youth crying out for grotesque violence. I've manipulated and caused suffering with the intent that the one who I engendered the suffering never knew it was me. I've experienced such things as well, though the pain brought upon me by others pales in comparison to the suffering I imposed upon myself. I scared my body in the hope that the pain would be enough to punish me for my actions. Though just as Nuda finds in both "Around the World, Heaven to Hell" and the subsequent book series, there is no self-inflicted punishment that relieves the pain of what we cause others. Only the relief brought to us by One more powerful who has the ability and right to redeem us.
Ultimately, I believe my role as a storyteller is to reflect the world as I see it, in all its beauty and brutality, and not to shy away from the grim darkness that exists within us. My faith provides the lens through which I interpret this world and fuels my desire to shed light on its darker corners. I trust that my brothers and sisters in Christ, and all readers, will see that my writing, however intense, is an expression of my engagement with a complex world, not a contradiction of the faith that guides my life and actions. For those that have faith in Christ, I wonder if the turning away from such descriptions is rooted in a desire to await the end of us in order to experience the wonderful peace awaiting us. For those without faith, I wonder if turning away from such brutalities is to deny they exist, regardless of verbally acknowledging it, but to truly see it and have it hurt us and maybe even break us with it. I wonder if, as humans, we would rather bury our heads and hearts in the sand than look directly at the gore and suffering of those who are in the most need.
